I do want to go to church this morning...made that decision 20 min ago when i crawled out of bed. But now the question of "which one" is proving itself to be enough to make me either wanna crawl back into bed or just listen to some mark driscoll podcasts instead. However I know I'll prob listen to my mark driscoll later today anyway, so I should go to actual church. But where? The church that is two doors down from where I live, owns my house, that I have a connection to the neighborhood community (through volunteering w/the kids) with but not the sunday morning community (and mind you, these are two RADICALLY different things, and I personally feel I gain very little spiritually from sunday services. Or the church where I 'grew up,' that I still am connected to in various ways...different ways, fragmented, but still my 'home', but is out in the 'burbs. I've found myself missing that church lately too, as I still desire connection to this body that I called my home for so long. I know that working through some of the obstacles that caused me to want to give up on that church community a year ago will really show me is what true community is [working through hard stuff and disagreement and such]. I do feel like the HS is present in Sunday worship although sometimes I disagree with things or wish things went a little deeper. So that's option #2. Option #3 is the mega-church in St. Paul that I started to go to over the summer, mainly cos I was bored and it was something to do on Saturday evenings since they had a 5:00 service. I generally really like the sunday sermons and got really excited about the church for a period of time...but it's SO big and I have to exert such an effort to get connected to people that that is one obstacle that's making me want to give up. I have some issues with the theology here, but I seem to leave this place feeling inspired and loved and everything. But I don't know if that place can be my church home...something is holding me back. Maybe it's God. I dunno.

But this is continually my dilemma...and I don't like it. I don't want to be fragmented and have my foot in here and hand in there. I don't want to just be a consumer of these different places and go where I feel like I will be fed the best. I am aware that I am doing that a little...but I just don't know what to do anymore. God show me what to do...what needs to change?

Ok I need to get ready if I'm gonna get anywhere today...think I'll go to my home church today. Which is option #2. Hmmm...does that answer my question? The fact that when I think about which one is my 'home church' and in my heart I know it's #2....?