i'm a dirty prostitute. sinful. rotten to the core. undeserving of all that is inaudibly offered to me but i accept it as if i am worthy.
condemning. judgmental. jealous of the way yall walk, talk, weigh, dance, love, listen, follow, include.
seduce-able. weak. caving in to any and every pleasure that pops into my originally unoriginal brain, since i've had years of training that instant worldly satisfaction satisfies.
unbelieving. un-trusting. which is despicable because you've proven you are indeed interested in my life in the past - you think that would be enough.

oh how i long to take heart and be satisfied.
oh how i long to naturally love as you do.
oh how i long to see the beauty you put into me.
oh how i long to go home.
oh how i long to come home.
oh how i long to be home.

good morning!

holy cow, paul is so intensly dedicated and in love with Christ. in phil 1:15-26 n etc he's all like some people are proclaiming Christ out of selfishness and not sincerity just to hurt paul as he's imprisoned. i dunno the situation and how that was possible - but he doesn't care. he's all like meh, it doesn't matter - i rejoice cos the gospel is being preached!! his faith is so strong that he knows this hard stuff he's going through is going to turn out for his deliverance. he knows dying is better and it is a gain - a way into perfection and community with Christ. but he is patient and knows God has things for him to be doing here so he will stay.

he then goes on to encourage unity among them, living a life worthy of the gospel of Christ and then being one in sprirt and purpose, not acting out of selfish ambition but out of humility. so obviously he'd rather those who are preaching the gospel out of selfishness and pride to check themselves because that is not how Christ would have us live/function.

oh so very interesting :)

phil 1:9-10: this is my prayer, that your love may abound more and more with knowledge and full insight to help you determine what is best,
so that in the day of Christ you may be pure and blameless,

as we grow in faith we gain more knowledge and depth of faith/who Christ is and what he loves and desires. "to help you determine what is best...so that you may be blameless." sometimes i get super annoyed that i am convicted of sins that other Christians seem to have no problem with. i have wrestled with the concept of particular sins in that "how can the same activity be a sin for some and not for others? how is that fair?" Before i've come to the conclusion that God judges "fairness;" and that word is hardly used in the Bible. But this verse teaches me that as our love for Christ abounds more and more he gives us more insight on how to live.

i like to cook, but it just seems so impractical to cook up a storm for just me. i've found TONS of cool healthy WW recipes that i've saved on my computer pretty much for when i have a family. i was thinking about this the other day when i was at holy land - cooking is one reason i'm really excited to one day have a family because I'll have people to cook for! i'm totally gonna make my kids try ethnic foods (of course i can make it non spicy for the kiddos). but yeah you need so many ingredients to REALLY cook things and when i'm just a student and don't have a ton of time to cook extravagant things, why would i spend tons of money to buy all sorts of oils and spices and etc when it's just me...i dunno. tonight i made some homeade salsa though and i spent way too much at the grocery store buying the ingredients...and now i have all this cilantro left over. at least i really like cilantro - i can put it in other stuff. i'm hoping my green pepper just fell out of my bag and is in my trunk, cos i just realized that "hey i bought a green pepper that i was gonna put some of in my salsa but it is missing..." and i totally remember getting charged for it and i'm pretty sure i remember throwing it in my grocery bag...but i dunno where it is. teehee, i like food. and i don't have to be ashamed that i like food when i am eating healthily!! i'm definitely no longer a take out pizza and chinese college kid. i'm a go get groceries once a week cos i need my fresh produce college kid.

what is social justice? what kind of work does your organization have to do to be considered a "social justice organization?" does your work have to produce socially compliant results that correspond with either liberalism or neoliberalism? do these social justice organizations do any good...? what do they produce? a socially compliant "good citizen?"