oof. burnin out!! i am desperately in need of some peace and quiet and a mental break. are the good grades worth it...it's seeming that they are not. i do want to get a lot out of my education, but is a good grade the only way i can show that i have gotten things out of my education?? in this system, it seems they are. good grades can get me scholarships and status and pride. meh. so yes i want good grades because i should be working hard and making the most of the opportunities i have...but i don't need perfect grades. can my definition of a good grade be a B?? yes. let's do that. maybe.

loneliness. solitude. desperation. sadness.

relationships. community. appreciation. joy.

I think women waiting to be pursued, or wait for the man to initiate a romantic relationship, is a way we glorify God. I hesitate to generalize and say all women desire this and feel this way...so i will blog about myself and my own life and ideas. So, I wait to be pursued because I want a man who is going to...be a man!

First off, I want to know that I am a treasure in this world that SCREAMS otherwise to me, and the love of Jesus and knowing how Jesus sees me is how I know that I am indeed a treasure. Thus I need a man who can show me that I am a treasure how Christ does which can only be from his love of Christ and his being loved by Christ.

Second off, and this is more practical, I need a man who will partner with me and do his part in our fight. One who has the courage to initiate a relationship with me - he's not a coward. It shows maturity, honesty, respectability, one who is going to man up or fight for you or take care of you when you need him.

you know, when I was in high school, I never thought that the men i date or marry should have to talk to my Dad first. i saw that as unnecessary and primitive.
Now...i do want that. i am blessed to have a great Christian Dad who loves me and takes care of me (and oh boy does he take care of me) and i bet he knows me in ways i don't even know myself. wouldn't that be amazing if the man who wants me would want my Dad's approval first? if this guy is gonna be taking over the provider role in my life...my Dad needs to be okay with it. It's a further way that shows me that I am a treasure, that these men care enough about me to have really really thought about this.

these thoughts came to me after listening to the latest mars hill sermon about dating. i no longer want to be used. i want to marry for holiness. i've chased men before and what Mark said is right, if you start chasing a man you're gonna be chasing him forever. oh boy have i lived in that! it sucks.

i'm not trying to say that a guy has to do all these things to me and i'm just going to sit back and take it. no. my eyes are open. but if I don't want to be used, i will not use him to just romance me to death in the idealized cultural definition. but, i am so excited to be able to be the responder. i want to encourage him; i want to grow in our faiths together; i want to be able to serve my husband because i love him! i actually want to be able to say "i belong to my husband."

maybe this is too honest and too intense...but i am finally really feeling peace about this and thus peace in my singleness. God knows my heart. i will not be single forever. "the goal is not to just have a good time but have a good legacy (Driscoll)."