would i be at the U as a Soc major if i'd have really searched my heart? did I ask and wait rightly in asking for God to speak and lead? or am I so sorta estranged to myself that I still can't state one job, career, or field I feel called to?

should i be scolding myself for this? begging for God to call me to social work or teaching or culinary school and just put myself in more school accordingly...i hate that idea right now. i want so desperately to finish in a year and get a job and MOVE OUT and get married and have kids. that's what i want and i want a job that i'm good at and will enjoy and correspond to my passions.

i think my view about this is very patrick dodson-y merged with my dad's experience/teaching to me.

i want a job where i have the opportunity to show compassion to others. to be a leader for others. to have responsibilities that i enjoy fulfilling. where i am intellectually challenged and can challenge others to think critically about the place we all are in. a non-white majority environment. a not super stressful and controlling boss with corporate standards and pressure to be perfect all the time. one that provides an opportunity to help the poor. one where i can be challenged to be creative and encourage others to think outside the box, their limited scope of the world, and challenge them to care about the WORLD, not just themselves.

Psalm 48:14: For this God is our God for ever and ever. He will be our guide even to the end.

Well, that's good news.

my head hurts. i hate how much politics and government influences life and worldview. perhaps i am a little nieve about how i'm going to have to live in this world - but eveyrthing just sees so messed up and crazy and i wish i could just move...but i know that wouldn't make life easier. maybe just go to heaven...that'd be alright. i just want to cry my eyes out when i think of assimilating into this twisted consumer driven self seeking nation. what am i talking about though - i assimilate daily and i'll just be getting "the man" to pay me instead of giving all my money to "the man." it's just horrible to learn about all this coruption the pursuit of wealth has had on our culture but feeling powerless to change it...so now it's as a chist following individual, how much should i fight and how much do i have to compromise in order to pursue my passions in life?

i jsut want to mix everthing all up and i wish i could turn this culture upside down like Jesus did. i want my education inspiring me but not forcing me to think only their way. perhaps i did not give enough thought to what school i should go to. therefore, my goal should be to think objectively and compassionately, not just critically. i think i have become so cynical and critical of everything. is being rich always a sin, is the death penalty always wrong...maybe, i dunno. but the way Lisa has taught us to "always critique the place we are in" has made me bitterly critical. so let's morph this life goal: Always critique the place I am in while always thinking compassionately about my neighbor.

ahhhhh i cannot stand sarah palin. i cannot and will not align myself with a politial party but i will be voting for obama. i am sitting watching this VP debate and its like every time sarah palin opens her mouth she is expressing how much she is an idolator of nationalism - she worships America and all the operations of neoliberalism. "country comes first." she just said that. our best interests. getting us all rich. i mean biden is also just said we should be the best nation in the world. he's been saying what their ticket is saying is best for building up America too, but the republicans are just so crazy inbedded in capitalism and the rhetoric is all trying to make it sound like "i don't want to raise ANYONE's taxes" so that the rich people are included in the anyone. no. their taxes need to be raised to help out the poor people they oppressed. the deregulation of economic practice is why so many are poor and got shoved out of their homes and jobs!

iraq is not our country. why have we made it our job to instill their government? it's not ours. we can't even govern ourselves, why are we instilling a new infrastructure there?? we're building their country - who gave us the authority to do that? we went in and got the bad guy out, ok fine. but why are we their forceably adopted mother when the people could figure out how the want to do it given their culture and traditions? why can't we look to leaders among the people and hand them the reigns...because we like America being in power and having control of the world, right?

from what i am hearing, the republican ticket for this election is selfish. i'm not thinking about me and how i'm gonna survive, i know i'll get by. the republicans are thinking about catering towards the middle class so they can still have their dreams of upward mobility and getting rich. they don't want to help the people on the bottom that the deregulation of business in the 90's forced there. they want America to be wealthy, powerful, neoliberal, prosperous, the best, an easy life, you name it. it makes me sick. I worship God, not the United States. I put him first, not my country. That's why lets be a little less concerned about how we're gonna keep going and think about how those who have it worse than we do can get up and moving.