why do we feel compelled to post our lives on the internet? it's crazy that deep down, we do want to be close to people, but we are scared of it so we use the internet as a means to be passive to seek people out. why do we talk over aim instead of calling people? it's seriosuly twisted; i've had many a conversation over aim that i didn't have the guts to say in person. and facebook - holy cow. i dont know how people can survive here at the U without one. you're pretty much a social exile. i even have a class (choir) that uses it's facebook group as the primary way the director communicated with us. myspace is like the facebook for high schoolers and middle schoolers, but it seems facebook is different cos it's like you create your own special little communities so people share a lot more information (and can stalk each other...and people talk about stalking each other and think its funny...it's completely normal!!) why would we rather just post on someone's wall instead of actually calling them? it takes less time to just say a few sentances - after all time is the currency of the college student. why do we blog (although i dont think anyone reads my blog anyway so its pretty private) and journal online? we want people to care about our thoughts and opinions - but we dont have normal conversations anymore.

hah.

and the plot thickens!!! guess what the topic was at cru tonight?

missions and the nations.

and i have a huge exam tomarrow so i was considereing not even going tonite, but i seriously felt like God wanted me to go, and then Charlie says "tonight we're going to talk about the nations"

my jaw dropped, i was so squirmy...

something bigger than me is happening.

and i don't feel like it's an immediate "drop everything and go" call, but its a call for sure. it has to be. i just need to seek what in the world that is (or where in the world for that matter, haha) and all of that. something. but why now? why all this at once? maybe cos it got my attention.

but yeah, something bigger than me is happening. and that's how it should be.

this morning i was walking on campus and saw this flyer for a seminar on genocide in darfur. i was like "woah i totally should go to that!" lil background, God totally lit a fire in me on my dts for wanting to fight injustice, and this is why i am going to pursue a law degree. but to be honest i've felt like it's been going out since coming home (until now kinda). but anyway i went to the seminar which was good, and the genocide intervention network had one of their speakers there. this same organization had just spoken at awol on sunday night and i felt like i needed to get involved with them or at least be more active and informed about darfur and other social injustices. so this lady was talking about how we can get involved, just kinda listing things to do and she made reference to something like "3 of our representatives went out this weekend and 60 kids emptied their pockets to fight against the genocide." i was so touched!!! those are our/my kids!!! they set an example for a huge room full of students, grad students, profesors, etc! real exciting. oh another thing that added to the craziness - so i work for the library basically copying articles from periodicals and sending them to other schools. and one of the articles i copied today was about the genocide in darfur. (i made an extra copy for myself) you know, i swear that before this weekend i think i knew basically nothing about what was going on and now its like bam. maybe God's trying to get my attention...?

accountability is a rough thing...cos it works doesn't it? im restricted in a way, but not in a bad way - its better for me in the end but it's hard. and in my heart i know what i ought to do but not doing it is so much more appealing. just like studying and doing my homework and going to class - my emotions and actions are all interrelated.
i'm in such an interesting place. the decisions i make today effect the rest of my life, as well as decisions i've made in the past. this is my life and "are you who want to be?" but its hard. this stage of life could quite possibly be the hardest one.

insecurity arose; podcasts are cool

yesterday i got a little frustrated at cru. and this is the sad part, has nothing to do with a theological disagreement, faulty logic, or anything like that...Foos was making fun of Steve for dating a girl in high school who was taller than him. Now one must understand that this is a major insecurity for me. I am a very tall girl. 5'11". I've kinda grown to hate it. Blamed it for my lack of boyfriends/relationships. So, this kinda reinforced that insecurity - plus everyone was laughing at him and thought it was really funny. So this made kinda hurt on different levels. I kno it's really not a big deal and i'm not gonna make much of it, but i just didn't think that it was funny.

i found one of my favorite dts' speakers blogs which led to me finding his podcasts - which i am listening to one right now. i have a whole bunch of them now and am looking forward to listening to them at work cos that's what i've begun to like doing instead of listeining to music while i'm mindlessly rummaging through the stacks of books in the libraries. some of the topics he talked about on my dts but i'm sure there are others. pretty sweet. i love the mars hill podcasts and want to move back to Seattle just so i can go back to that church and i just might someday. i wonder if any of my other dts speakers have podcasts. i think i want to go look now.

lazy lazy sunday

what a day! i got some work done but it feels like i didn't get anything done.
a) i've been in my pajamas alllll day
b) i didn't shower
c) i only left my room/floor to go have lunch and dinner; didn't leave the building once
d) spent waaaaayyy too much time on facebook
e) watched movies all day (granted one was one i had to watch for my spanish project)
f) slept until like noon

etc etc. o sad.

so ijm was featured on the today show. check it out. ijm is such an amazing organization - i hope to be working with them someday.

charity reminded me today that harrison (this neat kid we met once really randomly) is michelle bachman's son. i do remember having that conversatoin. i was gonna make a facebook group called "i'm voting for harrison's mom." that'd be funny, but me n that guy dont know each other hardly at all so it might be weird, but funny...

so much work to do this weekend. eesh. choir concert tomarrow night, but it shouldn't be too long. im gonna skip algebra tomarrow morning cos i want to go work out. so i should get to sleep so i can wake up - hah. saturday plans are up in the air but i think im gonna go to the homecoming game if i can wrastle up a ticket.

awh i miss seattle!

awh, i just found a bunch of peeps from ywam's blogs on here! i miss everybody - part of me would absoultly love to move back to seattle. i'm actually considering it tho, if i do end up in law school i'll probably go to univerisity of washington. part of it is i really want to go to mars hill again, haha. i download podcasts and listen to them like obsessivly...i get so much out of them, more than my home church to be honest. so unless something unforeseen happens (which is likely) - ill be there.

also i think i might be going to mexico for like 3 weeks this summer...maybe...im thinking about it cos i would get credit for spanish 1004 and it'd almost cost the same as taking the class and i'd get to live in mexico with a family! the only thing i was thinking about is i still think i'd have to pass the EPT to be done w/spanish so i'd have to pass w/o taking real 1004...which i think i might be able to do but i dunno. plus if i'm gone for 3-4 weeks that's less money i make at work - but i'm prob going back to sammy's so at least i wont have to job hunt, and i'll just have to try to save more. but it'd be fun to go to mexico - i guess i should tell my parents i'm thinking about this, ahah.

happenings!

i have had an unusual amount of energy tonight, but it's dying now and i just got real tired. funny.

david came home for his visit on wednesday. haven't spent a lot of time together but i got to see him several times and it's nice to see him and hear him talk. makes me realize how much i've missed the kid. he makes me laugh a lot without him trying.

thursday was fairly routine, except for the like near rape incident. i was gonna blog this earlier with the title "near rape incident number one" but i didnt. but anyway, i'm awoken at like 4am cos someone is yelling in the hall. not too unusual cos i have a loud floor, but i got up n looked out my peephole n saw this dude. he was like yelling n knocking on my friend sarah's door (lives across from me). at first i thought it was my friend dan (and ive never seen him drunk before so i thought that was strange), so i opened my door n saw it was definatly not dan. we had a short n really weird exchange and i shut my door quickly. i called sarah n found out that she'd been doing her laundry real late and when she got in the elevator to come back up, this dude was in it and like followed her to her room. luckily she walked real fast and was able to get in before she was in trouble. so it wasnt really my near rape incident but moreso hers. no good.

the weekend was pretty good. parts were boring, parts were really really hard, parts were fun. feels like it was longer than 2-3 days. went home thinking eveyrone would be around to chill w/david and noel, but ended up not really seeing either one of them. firday night the guys all chilled n had guys night, so i did my laundry n got some work done which was fantastic. i mean just fantastic to be caught up in one class! (2 more to go) saturday i ran errands n shopped. stopped by my dorm to drop off laundry and crap, got lost in SOUTH SOUTH St. Paul on the way. haha. sat night i chilled w/stina a lil bit and then went n chilled with buncha people at chantel's house. that was real good. sunday i was pretty much at redeemer all day. my smg girls got confirmed so i went to the confirmation ceremony. and before i was planning on telling my girls toniht that im not goinna be doing awol anymore...but i kinda changed my mind. i was standing there with all of them and i realized how much i stinking love them and i dont care how busy i am with school and how much it sucks getting to redeemer and back on sundays, i cant leave them. i'm going to go like every other week at least. i think that'll be good, that seems to kinda be what bailey does.

anyway, i am tired now indeed. methinks its bedtime

o joy. steph has a blog.

i just feel like having a blog. i'm not doing anything too interesting right now. just goin thru college - same ol routine week in and week out. hope to travel more tho eventually. so i dont really care if people read my blog or not. hell i dont even know if i'm going to be writing in it a lot or not...i really shouldn't because i have better things to do...but i just feel like having one, ok?