midterm tomorrow and trying to study but my mind keeps drifting to the state of my life. when i look at my life as a whole - how i treat friends and strangers, how i spend my free time, my thought life, even my music and wardrobe selection lately - i feel like i have a lot of built up hostility, bitterness and even anger. to what...i'm not sure. lately i've been taking it out on popular culture, occasionally masking it as an anger towards "being of the world" and such...but i'm getting tired of being so negative towards everything.

find rest. find rest. lay your battered head upon my omnipresent breast and make it your nest. (bradley hathaway).

the other thing i was thinking about while mind wandering while studying is how weird marriage will be if that ever happens for me...who likes others to see their flaws and imperfections? i'm usually pretty open about my messed-up-ness with those friends i feel a connection to and i feel truly love me...so maybe it will be okay. yeah...hopefully i feel comfortable with the hus and like he loves me enough to accept my crazyness...otherwise probably wouldn't be getting married now would we?
...i wonder if i'll ever get married. o Lord i really really hope so...